This past week or so, I have been facing up to a very, very strong urge to pack it all in, run away to a small secluded town and snare a gig in a tranquil book store (or equivalent). Shut off the internet, lock down Flamingo Manor and simply read and drink fine wine all day long. Possibly alone, but that was okay with me, I delight in solitude. And not as just a holiday, as a permanent lifestyle type thing.
Essentially it was the polar opposite of where my big crazy visions have been headed. Yeh. I know. Weird.
‘Tis much like when I was a youngling wanting to run away to the National Institute of Circus Art. I was – okay, still am – rather uncoordinated and thus it was important that I learn the skills before joining an actual circus. Except this time my big visions of world domination took a sharp detour to a far quieter, non-event life.
Not because I suddenly loathe writing these love notes, or the flock, or that I threw a tantrum. It happened because I momentarily forgot why or when I had decided that I would embark on a non-quiet, more bold path. I got caught up in the mechanics of the whole shebang, the schedules and the what not that it suddenly seemed absurd to want to put strange thoughts with an intention to inspire on a screen and hit publish to shoot them out to the ether for you to read. So I decided that maybe going underground was more sensible.
If we’re honest, I was indulging that unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something is likely to be dreadful… fear. Of my bat-shit crazy vision. Thankfully, a number of things happened to bring me back to wonderland, where ‘sensible’ in the regular sense is discouraged in favour of delicious non-sense.
Firstly, my flock goggled their eyes in horror and told me from the bottom of their hearts that my escaping to a small town was simply out of the question. I cannot stress enough that aligning with humans who love and support your visions is crucial, invaluable and fabulous. They will bring you back to the essence of what you’re doing when you forget. They will prompt you to remember every comment you made when you began in a flurry of excitement. They the ones who will remind you that you’re the only person mad enough to pull it off when you start ‘talking sense’.
They will say whatever they need to say to calm your fears. It may be inspiring, it maybe tough love. Or it may be (as one of my darlings offered) completely inappropriate to share amongst more decent company, but it will stun/pause you just long enough to shake off the retraction and remember why you started.
I remembered that we put our thoughts out into the ether regardless of whether we type ‘em up on a screen or not. I remembered that even if I was hidden in a tiny book store in a wee little town, I would be aching to inspire people to go do the things that light them up. It’s my thing, my passion. And let’s be frank lovers, small towns have a limited number of people in them, so while there are bound to be nuggets of gold within every person in my chosen town… my wingspan would be dreadfully limited.
I remembered that bat-shit crazy dreams are meant to be big, and daunting and sometimes not make normal sense. Just as desire is somewhat invisible before we shape it into something physical, so are the forces that match it. Except since they’ve got “the facts” on their side that these desires not having been created yet (despite nothing having been created… before it was created), we tend to give them more weight than necessary Which by the way is zero, desire is more valid than any naysay you’ll come across. What you want, you can create – impossible is nothing.
Being fearless is not about having no fear, it’s about having less fear than the desire to create whatever it is you want to create. And rolling with it.
As the very wise Steven Pressfield frames it, we have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands that naysay force resistance that we need to be aware of, and then push through. Just as I was cottoning on to the plays of these naysaying forces, wondering when the hell I decided to give up on a nice quiet existence, I found this pre-Flamingo Manor gem:
I recognise the crappy rushed handwriting in that Keel’s Diary as my own, but I didn’t remember ever putting this down on paper. Sure enough though, there it is. This, evidently, is the moment I made the announcement to give up on a simple and quiet life. And also fear. Written records will get you every time lovers. If you want something, become accountable and write it down. But be specific about your vision. When you have prompts like this eyeing you off, there is no rebuttal.
And when you share it with your supportive humans (or the internet), you really have no rebuttal. They will use it against you in the best possible way. At that point lovers there really is no choice but to forge ahead and make good shit happen. For you and with a spill on effect of your awesomeness.
It matters not what stage of your journey you are in. Whether you’re gathering resources, building foundations or are in full swing of things – assemble your flock of loving, supportive humans, write down your declarations and remember why your passion sparked you enough to start in the first place. Because that’s where your magic is.
Yours in Love and Nonsense,
Casey xo
